The Presidential Election is Worse Than College Football
I went to Michigan State University because I didn’t realize at the time that my decision to attend college was supposed to be based on which school had a more popular football program or that it would eventually turn into a lifetime of me making other adult males uncomfortable when I told them I wasn’t into sports. Never have been.
But, every year, there was one sportsballmatch I paid attention to: MSU vs. University of Michigan. Why? Because I took immense satisfaction in watching people lose their shit when “their team” lost. Note that I didn’t say “students” of either school or their parents. I’m talking about the obnoxious “fans”—the masses who just want to yell and scream and punch the TV—the arrogant overeducated, the able but unwilling uneducated, the rich white guys who can afford the authentic jerseys that will never see a grass stain, and the white trash guys who stole their knockoff apparel from Walmart that will surely only get dirty. I didn’t care which team those people were rooting for, I just wanted to watch 50% get humbled publicly.
And so that brings me to today—the biggest game of the next four years, probably the most important game in our generation and for the foreseeable future. You’re going to root for your team, she’s going to root for hers, and tomorrow half of us are going to swear that the other team cheated. It’s 100% going to happen.
But, this time, it’s not a beer-stained couch that a handful of weekend warriors set on fire because their team lost. It’s a country with cities that have been literally set on fire, no longer resembling a nation, because everyone knows the game was already fixed long before kick off.
So, regardless of today’s final score, for the love of everything that matters—human beings deserve better than what we’re being sold. When you’re lying in bed tonight, and the noise from today finally quiets, your heart will know right from wrong, good from evil, and whether you will be on the humane side of history.
